Working for almost 24 hours in a row numbs the mind and creates a stoppage of the Word Flow. Reactions are reduced to gutteral noises ommitted from the throat, incoherent sentences, and just pure Feeling racing through the body.

Holding everything in produces the same effect. Hyperventilation can occur, fist clenching emotion. Two years ago today I wasn't working a lot; I just wasn't talking. I wasn't letting out all the stuff that was coming in.
And I feel like it is happening again.
Which is frightening because I fear all I do is Release and practice Abreaction. But there's still more?

This aphasia which comes over me is so crippling that I must lie in bed for however long or until the phone rings. (I'm never one to not answer a phone)
The mind can be so intent on bending things this way and so that it may see what it wants to. I've been seeing horrible things.. letting an off the cuff remark do far more damage than it's worth ..

I am so tired. My brain is so over worked. And, yes, I'm sure that's a 1/3 of it. But these actions .. these occurences, no matter how benign they are.. sometimes they add up in my exhausted brain and I can't see any farther than the picture it paints.
I can't see rationale or the Up Side.

Where is the whole?