"To achieve growth, you have to give 100%."
She is right. I told Yumiko about looking at trees and how you must completely surrender yourself while doing so to find that refuge which resides in the peace that spreads throughout the body. This place, this peace inside of me, it will not solve my problems, but instead is a well of strength and calm that I can draw from.
**

Late at night, illuminated by street lights and a flourescent academic building, sitting on steps I've climbed absent mindedly so many times before, it was as if India was speaking through me. India; all the people I met there who shaped my experience, who held my hand as I walked on the path towards self-acceptance and appreciation of Life no matter its pitfalls. All those people were with me and what a beautiful feeling it was, to feel what I have not felt since I returned. I thought I had lost it, I was scared that the expression my face had in that country, the clearness of my eyes, the Close your eyes/tilt your head back/breathe it all in mentality had been lost. But there it was.
There I was sharing what I had learned to a wonderful woman who needed to hear it all. And, it was as I was sharing, that I realized I must also listen to myself, to these wise souls. I think only because I was imparting this advice to another person, was I able to take it all in myself.
Now is when I have to deal with coming home.
**

It is now because it was just last night that I gave something Rest while allowing it to still grow. On the phone, I feel as if I let go of one thing, and was able to maintain my Love of It All.
I am not afraid of putting myself out there as long as I am being true to myself and others. I did that. I said This is Ok. My door to him is always open (all front/back door jokes aside).
Oh it is so important to always look at the Bigger Picture/Amazing Fluidity/Important Emotions which out weigh any circumstance and which surround this situation. And when I did it, I was over come by how beautiful it is. How impressive it is that one person can love and accept another wholly. Human beings are amazing creatures to have such a capacity.
I have no expectations, I have no regrets. I am not worried and I am not scared. I am happy and excited because I am able to Give without any of those burdens.
**

Yumiko and I sat on the couch and held hands while singing songs we've learned that we now have in common. We hummed pooja songs and described for eachother our own picture of India and what it meant/means to us. She said India glows in her mind. I said that going there was the best thing I have done for myself.
We talked about the irridescent pink sunsets, kind people, spirituality we experienced there. Sitting with her filled me with contentment. I enjoy sharing with others who have been there. I appreciate how we lapse into grateful/loving silence that is not weighed down with the need for conversation.
She and I fell asleep holding hands, the last words on our lips being ones filled with wisdom that we have gained and that has been given to us.