There are rules I must adhere to that I have forgotten to jot down in the past. How long before you can talk again, how much you're supposed to show that you're upset, how upset you're supposed to be...
Just as wearing black socks with brown pants is a big faux pas, one should not speak the truth or delve deep into their psyche when asked How are you?
It is still surreal. Driving down 202 has taken on a new pain. Living on this campus has been painted with a sepia toned sadness that flashes back and forth to color as the day goes on. Some of the 24 hours being fine and uplifting, the others- maybe your eyes squeeze up a bit, back into your head, and you just let the memories and emotion hit you like a train.
An ocean, a continent cannot prevent me from feeling close to him. I know why what's going on is going on, but sitting in Joe's basement this afternoon, drinking tea in Allendale... I couldn't help but feel blessed that he was/is/will be in my life in some form or another. And I experienced sorrow as well, that a hug can't be had. That it's impossible right now. With this ocean. With this continent. With these decisions. All coming together to make Now.
**

Hopefully I'll be working at the Women's Center over the summer and I'll have a position definitely in the Fall. If I was supposed to go into Petco today, I didn't show up. I need a fresh start.
I need I need I need ... I need to do a lot of things.
**

There's something I need to say now, that I should say, and I know it's there. Unfortunately it is not materializing out of the fog that is confusing/dismantling my gut reactions, heartfelt emotions, and thought process.
**

Well, there I go.