So, this job. I basically won't have a life. Or if I do, it will be in the late night hours. (Who's going to want to hang out at 1 a.m.?) I get one Sunday off for the entire month, but hooray, time to do "quick errands" as Susi put it.
I am weighing the pros and cons of this situation. Big pro... the My Own room/bed and the $$. Cons have already been stated.
I start back at Petco on Wednesday. I'm making decent Retail Money so me and my wallet can't really complain. I was actually giddy when I hung up the phone with Wade today. There I was, looking forward to mindless monotony because isn't that what keeps the mind occupied? Lulling all the brain cells into a deep sleep where the only dreams dreamt are of paychecks, quittin' time, and where the only fantasies are those in which you tell the customers what you really think ... all of these being your only priorities. Scary stuff.
This Governor's School business would be a ticket out of that, but is it just jumping from the pot to the pan? (Euphamism: check!) I'm going to apply either way and not cry about the result, either way.
*
Dad called me last night and it wasn't so bad. He's still the same Awkward Conversationalist Dad. According to him everything is "fine". Pauses happened when I stopped talking and stayed that way until I piped up with a new topic. He said "I love you" at the end of the conversation and therein lies the only thing he said with feeling. I think because of him I have learned to Take What I Can Get, but also ... understanding that What I Can Get is sometimes a lot.
Evan Brown is limited to how much he can express emotionally. That is the kind of person he is and I get that. Just like I got that him writing me a three page letter about Lenin was his way of showing he's going to make an effort to maintain/restart a relationship with his only daughter.
I wish it wasn't this way, I really do, but it is. I wish I didn't have to make the effort to meet him more than halfway on this. When I was little and had a problem, Dad would just say "Tough" or "Life is tough". Because of him I remember making a concentrated effort at the age of 9 never to cry again, to turn myself off. Thankfully, that didn't work out at all.
*
Okay. Time for couch.
I am weighing the pros and cons of this situation. Big pro... the My Own room/bed and the $$. Cons have already been stated.
I start back at Petco on Wednesday. I'm making decent Retail Money so me and my wallet can't really complain. I was actually giddy when I hung up the phone with Wade today. There I was, looking forward to mindless monotony because isn't that what keeps the mind occupied? Lulling all the brain cells into a deep sleep where the only dreams dreamt are of paychecks, quittin' time, and where the only fantasies are those in which you tell the customers what you really think ... all of these being your only priorities. Scary stuff.
This Governor's School business would be a ticket out of that, but is it just jumping from the pot to the pan? (Euphamism: check!) I'm going to apply either way and not cry about the result, either way.
*
Dad called me last night and it wasn't so bad. He's still the same Awkward Conversationalist Dad. According to him everything is "fine". Pauses happened when I stopped talking and stayed that way until I piped up with a new topic. He said "I love you" at the end of the conversation and therein lies the only thing he said with feeling. I think because of him I have learned to Take What I Can Get, but also ... understanding that What I Can Get is sometimes a lot.
Evan Brown is limited to how much he can express emotionally. That is the kind of person he is and I get that. Just like I got that him writing me a three page letter about Lenin was his way of showing he's going to make an effort to maintain/restart a relationship with his only daughter.
I wish it wasn't this way, I really do, but it is. I wish I didn't have to make the effort to meet him more than halfway on this. When I was little and had a problem, Dad would just say "Tough" or "Life is tough". Because of him I remember making a concentrated effort at the age of 9 never to cry again, to turn myself off. Thankfully, that didn't work out at all.
*
Okay. Time for couch.
posted by Kate at Monday, May 15, 2006
3 Comments:
having a life is way too overrated. but think of this as a step away from retail. and thus a step towards freedom.
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Your website has a useful information for beginners like me.
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