It is undeniable that people need touch. They need to be touched. And I am no different.

I want arms.. I want arms around me when I cry and I want arms to hold me if I'm shaking.

Who would have thought that the people that have been There were the people I couldn't be around today?

So I left and it felt good to leave, to ignore what was swelling up inside of me.

I hate being like this. I hate that other people know I'm like this right now. I keep telling myself it's not a sign of weakness, that it's okay and this is normal. Normal entails Consistency, Predictability, The Certain, The Safe. I am feeling none of those things. And beyond feeling ... there is no situation in my life that holds those values. But what have I kept saying, that that is okay, that this rollercoaster is Life and the intensity of my emotions serve to remind me how alive I am, how deeply I can experience a situation. This rationale reasons it away sometimes, but during moments where I am with no one but myself, when I am letting myself "experience/feel", it doesn't do much good. It is only when I come out of it, look myself in the mirror, and attempt to talk myself into being alright does it work. I'm sure I have many, but right now, I don't know how many more pep talks I can give myself.

I need to give myself permission that This is alright, no matter if it's scary.

I want arms.. I want arms around me when I cry and I want arms to hold me if I'm shaking.