Limbo. Neither here nor there. I'm out of the house and at Ramapo right now. And I miss my bed, wishing I was in those walls, but I was getting a headache there. I love her tremendously, but I just couldn't stay tonight. But I wish I was there.

I think I left her presents in India along with a couple of other things that can't fit into a suitcase.

Do you think people who come back want to leave right away because it's too uncomfortable being back? And by people, I might mean "me". But I don't think I want to leave completely. I just feel like I'm not here so I might as well be somewhere else.

If I had a little less restraint I would throw a tantrum, make impossible demands on people, stomp my feet, and give into every emotion pulsing through me. Like that scream I let out in Florida ten years ago. When I didn't know any better. When I hadn't been taught that "we don't behave that way."
But that night.. that night in Kerala when those students performed the tribal dances and something ancient floated up from the floor and rained down from the ceiling .. catching us in the middle. So we danced, we flailed, sang, and let go. That happened, I was there. Does it happen here? Can I bring it home?

It stopped raining today. Just the grey clouds are left over hanging over the sky, to the left of my yard. Contrasting against the purple flowers and the one lone tulip growing by the sidewalk.