There is no way to comfort here that includes human touch. I lay on my stomach and put my hand on the back of my head, playing with the short hairs at the nape of my neck, closing my eyes and pretending it’s someone else. I have my headphones on and I’m focusing hard on making that hand disconnected from my body. Minutes later I feel a hand on top of mine and it’s Lauren’s.
“What’s up with you?”
“I really don’t want to talk about it”
“I’m here if you want to”

And she leaves to go play volleyball. Later I join them, taking up space on the court, not really playing.

After dinner the sounds of more than a dozen people singing permeates through my headphones and rushes me out of the lab- into a circle of Right Foot Ins and Twirling To The Lefts. Oamjie and about five others ask me to sing afterwards and I come out with “Blue Navy Blue” a song that used to play on 101.1 fm all the time and that I memorized when I was twelve, remembered two days ago. They like it, I cheer up a bit, we play some games.
7 up. Say 7 up each time a number is said including 7 or that is a multiple of 7. If you mess up, you’re out. It comes down to two people... me and one of the people here for a conference. “Oooh an Indian and an American” they all shout. I win.

The downs can be really noticeable when there isn’t anything to numb your brain with. I haven’t watched TV in a month. I realized that yesterday and, god, I don’t miss it. There is so much else to do.

And that was yesterday. And today is today.

I’m feeling so well…. Comfortable/natural. I look at myself from the outside … measuring how tall I stood when I got here and how much higher my chin is today. How much can I write on this subject before it’s exhausted? It’s just amazing, is all… and maybe we talk about things a lot that might scare us a little too.