I woke up this morning as usual... and then not as usual.. to find that my account has been accidentally charged over four hundred dollars. Let's see if I can scrape by on this one.
I hate how powerless I feel here. I can't go to peoples' offices at school to demand my independent study. I can't go to Commerce Bank and get this straightened out (I have to rely on Mom for that one).
Over everything and anything .. that is the worst feeling I get about being here. Everything else I can handle. The missing (only an acknowledgement that I am lucky to have people and things to miss), the sickness (part of the package), and the distance (temporary).

Someone emailed me back about putting me up for GPAC. So, that's almost taken care of. I'll be sleeping on a couch with six other people in the room and maybe a cat. I'm excited. New new people.
Speaking of new people.. there will be 32 20 somethings coming on Monday. I think we all intend to actually shower on that day.

I was listening to some music yesterday and it reminded me of Nora. I thought about when I was little and asked my mom if I was every going to have a best friend and she said I would, of course. And then there was that night in April 2000 where I could've died in a car crash and Nora had her mom drive her to my house to see how I was. I opened the door and there she stood crying and she hugged me really tight. The feeling of that embrace and seeing how much she cared ... Yes, I have a wonderful best friend.

We went to Sangum yesterday. Beautiful. With trellises, sculptures dotting the property, and a place for pottery. Some pamphlets were given to us. Opening it up, there was a picture of last year's group. And there was D. And there were all the feelings I associate with him. And it made me smile. Unexpectedly, which is the best kind of smiling.

Joti asked us to make sculptures of a bird and a snake and convey how they relate to the land or eachother. My snake wound itself between two mountains that were breasts. Women being associated with the earth - symbolically and always connected to serpents because of the Garden of Eden. So, as is the fashion, I turned the negative into a positive little sculpture and it felt soooo good to be creative .. to dig my hand into the wet/cold clay.

After lunch and tea and sculpting we drove over to the school for children and saw a play they've been rehearsing. It was beautiful. It made me want to hug the ground beneath me and stay here forever. But I can't. I could only stay until June, really.. because of my visa. And even then.. I have to go home and work. I want to be able to Stay in the sense of working.. doing something .. not staying ten days after to go to a beach. I'm interested, but not enough.. in that idea.

Out the door to Bangalore today. It's Malika's birthday and we're being set loose on the city for four hours. Then dinner.. then some good stuff.

Second paper is finished as of yesterday. I feel good about it. And I'm researching my final term paper topic. How men are conditioned/socialized in India. How they feel about the women's movement.. other things to be formed more articulately at a later date.