Gender representation. What am I most comfortable with? What would I look like if part of me wasn't concerned with other peoples' opinions of me? If I wouldn't have to explain to everyone that I'm still me no matter what I look like?
What holds me back from chopping off my hair? Which clothing choices of mine are really masculine anyway? How do I get around using that word (masculine) or its opposite? CAn you get away from gender? Hiow long before a dress is just a dress and not women's clothing? If dresses were considered gender neutral, would I like wearing them more? Even in my attempt to escape gender labeles, here I am wishing I had a pair of "long boy shorts". I am unhappy with my gender representation - in saying that I have to define what I am trying to represent. Myself. the person I feel like, but cannot portray. And I'm confused because one day I'll be so frustrated, sad, angry, defiant ... and the other I feel okay in my body. And I guess .. what I am asking for is the flexibility to be okay in my body one day .. and look however the hell I want to look that other day.
I want more flexibility and at the same time I have to recognize my wish for my partner to have as much flexibility as I have. And of course ... a man's gender representation goes far beyond what he is wearing just as a woman's does.. but Why did men get left behind when women started wearing pants? Because dresses/skirts/high heels/ were and are seen and symbols of restriction - of an era when women were the "weaker sex". Pants are supposed to allow freedom. Women can wear them and prove they're :just as good: ::as tough as:: a man. But women were tough before...
A man donning a dress doesn't make him any less of a person. I don't say "man" because "man" is a social construct.
AH! There it is... Deconstruct those social constructs and start from scratch.
These are the notes of someone starting from scratch.