We talked about it. I mean, we really talked about it. Not just what we would do, but what the "doing" means.
And it comes down to .. taking it day by day and knowing that I am not ready to be without him. And it's not a choice of ready .. because that makes it sounds as if I am preparing to be ready at some point, but .. it's a matter of choice. I love him and looking at him lets me know this...

I know what I am not .. Not ready to leave. It's more important, though, to challenge my comfort than to stay comfortable.

Taylor came to the potluck tonight and I'm ecstatic she did. We've agreed to be roommates in India. Shit ... right now I'm excited to go .. five minutes ago I would have sold a kidney to get out of this whole thing...

Everything seems out of control. Eating, leaving, love, emotions, ....
D was talking about work tonight and I was happy to listen because it was someone else's stuff and not my own.
We talked about me visiting him in Nicaragua after India ... pipe dream?

If Fall could just last a little longer. If time didn't go by so fast, but seem so plentiful when you're planning ahead. In September, January was an eternity away .. and now it's just a month between me and a plane.

I wish I was tired right now. I wish that all of the impulses to not eat and destroy myself weren't plaguing me everyday. But I'm not giving in at least. It's just some weird defense mechanism against things I can't handle. I feel like I can't handle it right now.

"It" being the intensity of situations and aching pains