It's become ridiculous; the amount of crying I do. The amount of alcohol I drink and food I consume.
I could stand to lose five pounds. I could stand to shut my mouth. I could use a good slap in the face when it comes to my health and my state of mind.

Passing by people who are going to India, I don't ignore them anymore. I talked to Infinite today then to Cindy. I said hello to Cianni. I already think of them as family because I have to.


D spent the night and it feels so good to lay next to him and put my face on his warm skin. I am very happy/lucky/grateful that he is in my life... one of the only people keeping me going. It's been so so so long since I've been so so so grateful.
For both of our sanity's sake ... I'm going to try to cry less and use some other outlet .. or just breathing.. breathing works. I think I cry around him the most because I am most comfortable around him. Every time I cry, fart, eat with him.. I take notice of how comfortable I feel while I'm doing it. With or without knowing it, he's given me a safe place ... the knowledge that I can feel safe.