Completely honest.

Racism. Laura says everyone is racist. I'm racist. Or at least, I know I feel uncomfortable around people of different backgrounds than my own. And I'm going to a country where I am the minority and I'm going to have to get over myself.
Wait.. racism .. or just uncomfortableness? I always feel like "big stupid white girl". Maybe that's from the highschool I went to, where "fuck stupid white bitches" was written on bathroom stalls and I felt like an outsider.

I'm scared. I'm nervous I'm going to talk to people like they're idiots. I'm worried that my feelings of inadequacy will translate as my being a snob and everything those kids at Manchester thought I could be .. b/c of my race or lack thereof.

It's less than a month away and I haven't started packing yet. Slight denial, definite laziness.
I started crying the other night while laying next to Demetrius because I was "preemptively missing" him, but more so because I don't know what to get him for Christmas. I hate having to give people things .. people who I love so much, because when I get started, I realize how, in that case, I'd have to keep buying and buying ... There aren't enough scarves, radios, or knitting needles and hankies in the world for that boy ..

Until then.. life as usual. Mom talking about her jobs, my cousins, or hearing her laugh have all taken on a different meaning.